He answers...

I have to tell you about my morning... bear with me if you wish.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about our decision to move here. I've been struggling with if we made the right choice or not. We've been extremely financially strapped, where we thought we would save quite a bit moving here and living on base. I'm attending PWOC at the church, but I still don't have that "welcome feeling" that I've had at other churches. I have been praying that God would lead me to a friend that I can feel that closeness, too, and yet I still feel so isolated and alone most days. I recently got back in touch with a friend from High School and she was catching me up on the goings ons in the town I gratuated from. It's just strange to think I could have been married for almost 15 years if I had stayed there. Wow... Anyway.. that just brought up a lot of "what if's" I've been thinking about. Did I make the right choices in my past... did I do what was right for myself and my children. Could I have handled my divorce differently... I think my pregnancy is taking a lot of out of me this time. I'm not used to having "boy hormones" and I think we are fighting for alpha position right now!

This morning during my 15 minutes of "my time," I put my worries into God's hands, and just asked him to show me that we made the right decisions by coming here... show me a reason that we are here. So, this morning Brodie and I made our way into a near-by town and the road I normally take was closed. We were forced to take a slower, windy road that I wasn't sure would take me the right direction. As I wound VERY SLOWLY down this road, that honestly I had always wanted to take but never had the "time," I began to look around. We are just starting to go through the color changing time of fall. The trees vary anywhere from blazing red, brilliant yellow, multiple shades of green and some browns, pretty, but still brown. This road winds right on the cliff and edge of the Hudson River. There is a low rock wall bordering the right hand side as you drive and after that is a sheer drop to the water. (I have to give it to those that built these rock walls we find all over this area. They are awe inspiring just from the way they are built.) At one point, the trees were so thick that they created a tunnel over the road. The sunlight filtered down and almost made a "stained glass window" appearance through the leaves. It was beautiful. I began to appreciate the beauty of nature that I lost while living in flat, treeless Central Texas. I came up to a clearing in the trees and was truly speechless at the sight before my eyes. The leaves parted just enough to show a glimpse of the Hudson River. Normally the Hudson is not the most beautiful river to gaze at, but this view was amazing. You couldn't see any roads, bridges, buildings or houses. Just the beauty of the mountains on the other side of the river, in full glory of the sun. The colors were breathtaking. I rounded the corner and there was a tiny island in the middle of the river with ruins from some sort of castle or building. (Reminds me, I need to search to see what that was.) It was perfect. I love castles, expecially those that are in ruined state, so this was just my view.

I continued the drive appreciating the fact that I had to take that road, even though it took about 20 minutes extra. I passed a church that normally has funny sayings on their marquee out front that I enjoy. This time, I almost slammed on the brakes to make sure I read the sign right. This was the simple message: "You asked. I showed. Did you see?" I passed it on the way back home, so I know it wasn't a fluke... I have asked for "signs" in the past, and I know I've been shown the answer, but never in true "black and white."

So for now, I will take what I have, not worry about what I did or didn't do in my past, and enjoy the scenery more. We are surrounded by beauty on every side of West Point. It's time I open my eyes and see and enjoy.